Wednesday, July 25, 2018

Making Long Distance Work

A few weeks ago, I shared how my boyfriend, Parish, and I met. And while it was unconventional, it has been working for us. But this week, I wanted to share how we make long distance work.

Any distance can feel like long distance. But when you’re across states or even countries, it make it that much harder. The coordination of trains, planes, and long road trips can take months to plan. The time together feels like it flies by, leaving you saying goodbye all too soon.

But to me it’s 110% worth it.

I have never been happier or more secure with someone romantically in my life than with Parish.

What do we do to feel together physically, when we’re hundreds of miles apart? It’s the little things for sure. Small things throughout the day that remind him that I am always thinking of him, and vice versa.

For us, social media helps A LOT. I’m not really sure how people did it back in the day. Whether it’s a quick good morning text, a funny snapchat or a quick venmo for a $5 coffee. It makes me feel a little closer to him.

We carve out time to talk on the phone and FaceTime. But another thing that we’ve found helps a lot is taking time to watch something together. We either countdown on the phone or start a show on “Netflix Party.” This is a Chrome extension that is free and helps play and pause at the same time. It sounds silly, but keeping up with a series or watching a movie on a Friday or Saturday night makes it feel like a date night. The quality time helps us feel like we’re still doing things together.

Since Parish and I decided early on that we would try long distance until I move to New Orleans, it felt secure and I knew he was committed to me. We had nothing to lose and all the time in the world to get to know each other. We figured that we’d rather try to be long distance than end things and be without each other.

There was a feeling in my gut that told me that this was worth a try, and that I could let my guard down with him.

I had never dated anyone longer than a few months, so the thought of someone committing to me for at least a year and a half was profound to me. But I can wholeheartedly say that I have never felt more secure and cared for.  

This will make us stronger in the long run, which is something I didn’t realize until I had experienced it myself. We’ve worked through a lot of issues that can come up in a relationship- trusting one another being the main one. We can’t always be in constant contact, but knowing each other and having faith in one another makes our relationship stronger. I also think being long distance has helped us have separate lives. Obviously I want to be a part of his life and have relationships with his friends, but I know that this time apart has helped me realize how important maintaining all relationships in my life are.

Not every day is a walk in the park, no relationship is. When I have a bad day and just want him to hold me, he can’t. When I would like to surprise him with lunch at his office or breakfast in bed, I can’t. When I just need a hug or someone to help me get something off of a high shelf, he can’t. Sometimes if we argue or there’s a miscommunication, it can be harder to resolve than if we were face to face. We can’t do things last minute or spur of the moment. But we don’t like focusing on the negatives. This is only a phase of our relationship, and we will be stronger because of it.

Since we’re both saving money for our futures, we have to spread our visits out. And it can sometimes feel like an eternity. But it makes it all that much better when we do get to see each other, and I appreciate our time together immensely.

I’m excited to see where this goes and how we will make it work in the same place. I know that it will be worth it. And until then he’s only a phone call or text away. I want everyone to know that this isn’t something I look at negatively or think of as a “problem.” I am so lucky to have Parish in my life.

A lot of ladies have reached out to me and have asked me what we do to help the distance, and I wanted to shed a light on what we do. I also want to hear from y’all, how do you make long distance work? I always love hearing other people's stories and the different ways couples have gotten through it!

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